If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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