I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
