I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
