Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.

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(650): View more from California

after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.

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(845): View more from New York

so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet

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