i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Randomize
