I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
