I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
