Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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