I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
