My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
