i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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