i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
