im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
