i barfeds in our rink
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
