My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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