Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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