I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
