plz talk dirty to me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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