P.S. I can't hear my feet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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