im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
