I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
