MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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