I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
