Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
