Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
