i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
