At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
