**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
