your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
