you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
