she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
