Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
