i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
