i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize