the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
