I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
