His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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