Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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