what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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