I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
