I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
