Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
