I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
