Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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