Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This baby is an asshole
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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