Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
