I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
