Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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