I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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