dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
