shes about as inviting as chlamydia
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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