DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
