I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
