Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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