I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
