i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
