Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
