I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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