R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
