Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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