Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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