Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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