four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
