My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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