there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize