I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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