Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
