I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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