he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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