I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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