That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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