my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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