gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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