Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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